chapter 04

Just past 9 PM, Kandi and Troy pulled into Kandi's apartment parking lot from their date at the Longhorn Eatery at Market Square in downtown Indianapolis. At first, she questioned herself as to why she agreed to go out with a guy she barely knew. She also felt awkward about the conversation outside the locker room with Justin. She felt a genuine affection for Justin. But by the end of the evening with Troy, she felt her inhibitions with him dissolve. They had a great night and she was glad she went.
They walked from the parking lot to Kandi's apartment. Well groomed shubs and flower beds adorned the Springwater Apartments. Stars decorated the brisk night sky.
"So where are we going?" Troy asked.
Kandi laughed shyly, "We're just walking."
"You do live here, don't you?" Troy said as he took her hand.
"Of course I live here." She looked at her hand webbed in his. "So what are you doing?"
"I'm holding your hand. It's a tradition in Indiana."
"Really," She said.
"We have a lot of great traditions here," Troy replied casually, mysteriously.
"I think I'd better wait on the other traditions."
They both laughed.
Kandi led Troy along the cement trails lit by small lamps.They meandered through small gardens and past the sparkling pool. Somewhere in the simple acts of walking and talking, Kandi began to sense a magical intimacy night. She felt a sense of belonging that she hadn't felt in years. It was like a dream. And to think I had to fly almost a thousand miles to feel this way, she thought. A new world opened before her. As her eyes glanced down at the face of her watch, she felt the cold splash of reality. 11 PM!
She interrupted Troy mid-sentence, "I think I'd better go. Mom's going kill me. Look, I'll see you tomorrow." Still facing him she took a few steps away from him.
"Whoa, Whoa... You're not getting off that easy. Let me walk you to your apartment," Troy said.
"Troy! It's eleven. Isn't it past your bed time, sweety?"
Troy rolled his eyes, "It's early! Walk with me."
"Thanks," she pause, "but no thanks. Hey listen. I had a great time."
"Suit yourself. Can I call you?" he asked.
"I'll see you tomorrow."

Kandi was walking a few inches off the ground as she approached the door, but she didn't have to open it. Kandi's mom, Sylvia Roper, was their waiting for her.
"Where have you been? I haven't heard from since since 5 pm!"
"I told you, I met some friends."
"You said you weren't going to be home before eight. But this is ridiculous. I was an inch away from calling the police, the morgue-"
"Come on Mom. Give me a break."
"No, you give me a break!" Kandi's mom shouted back.
"You should be glad that I met some friends. You didn't set a time for me to be back. I thought you said you trusted me."
"I thought I did."
The glimmer of a romantic evening quickly faded into battle between mom and daughter. Kandi exploded. She knew that she came in late but she really expected her mom to be excited that she had a life outside Amarillo, Texas. Sure she told half truths. She didn't go out with friends. She went out with one friend. But still, nothing happened. They didn't even kiss. She couldn't have asked for a more memorable night. She finally had hope that things were going to be better in Indiana. Why is Mom doing this to me?, she thought.
Kandi tightened her jaw. "Why can't you just let me be happy for once? Why can't you trust me?! I thought this is what you wanted. You said I'd make new friends here and things would be better. You move me half way across the country in the middle of the semester, away from my Dad, who I'll probably only get to see once a year if I'm lucky, and you expect me to-"
Kandi's mom grabbed her by the shoulders and looked squarely in her eyes, "Don't you have any memory whatsoever about what life was like before your Dad and I split up? That's not fair! You know the hell we've been through with him. How can you even say that?!"
Water filled Kandi's eyes as she jerked herself away from her mother's clutches. "Leave me alone." She ran to her room. "Just stay away from me!" The door slammed.
Kandi fell to her bed surrounded by boxes and packing paper and buried her face in a pillow. She felt the darkness and gloom, that had been her traveling companions for the past two years. Heaving sobs filled the dark room. They came from the very depths of her heart. Kandi knew that her mom was right. They had to move. In her mind's eye she revisited a memory so traumatic and graphic that she could never forget it.

It happened on a cold October evening in Amarillo. Kandi's dad stumbled into the house at 10:30. Like many nights, he had spent his evening downing half a bottle of scotch.
It was crystal clear when her father's slide began. He had been released from his job during a major corporate down-sizing. He watched two people that he hired move up the ladder. Later these two forced him out completely. It cut him to the core. He searched for a pain killer and found one in alcohol. But the pain killer became a man-killer, which would threaten not only his life but those around him. In the epicenter of this upheaval was Kandi and Sylvia.
"If you're that mad at me why don't you just pack it up and leave. But take that little flirt of a daughter with you!" he yelled.
"Please keep your voice down," Kandi's mom plead, "Why are you doing this to us?"
"You've been seeing someone else behind my back haven't you?" he said.
"What?"
"Don't give me that. You know what I'm talking about, Sylvia! Admit it!"
"How dare you even think that-"
Kandi awakened by the sound of fighting came into the kitchen, her eyes filled with tears. Mr. Roper grabbed Kandi's chin and in a half whisper hissed, "What's his name, Kandi? Your mom's lover. You know him, don't you?"
"Stop it!" Sylvia cried hysterically. "Stop it this instant."
Without hesitation Gary backhanded his wife hard across the face. The blow drew blood and Kandi ran to her mother who fell to the floor. She tried to shield Sylvia while through tears Kandi winced and called out to her dad. "Leave us alone. Go away, Daddy. I hate you!"
Gary immediately jerked Kandi up from the floor. She felt as if he could tear her arm off if he wanted to do it. Kandi shrieked in pain as her mom mumbled and moaned in a trance of trauma. His fingers were locked around Kandi's tender bicep as he walked over to his briefcase that contained a precarious combination of resumes, letters of recommendations, a half devoured bottle of scotch whiskey and a handgun. He grabbed the gun and threw Kandi against the wall. He pressed her against the wall with forearm and put the gun up to her head.
"Leave her alone Gary!" Sylvia yelled as she ran to Kandi's aid. "What is happening to you." Gary swung the gun across Sylvia's collarbone. She fell to the floor, writhing in pain.
"You stay out of this!" Then he turned the gun back on Kandi.
He pressed the cold barrel against her hot forehead, as she moaned, "Please Daddy, no, please Daddy. I'm sorry. Don't shoot me, Daddy. Please... Don't shoot."
Gary cocked the trigger. "You don't have to tell me that you hate me. I know it. I know it little girl."
"No Daddy. I'm sorry."
"Three bullets. That's all I need. Three bullets would solve all our problems," he said, still pressing Kandi against the wall. Then he pulled the gun from her temple and wrapped his lips around the end of the barrel and distorted his face as if preparing for the very end.
Kandi tremble and plead, "We love you Daddy! Please don't do this."
"Oh God, no," Sylvia prayed to the God she never knew.
"We love you Daddy. Please... Please..."
Almost in a state of mental comatose he looked at his daughter. And slowly squeezed the trigger.
Click.
But for the absence of a bullet in that certain chamber of the gun, the family would have made the morning news the following day. Instead, they were left with a deep and private memory that would follow them like a secret ghost.
And now in Indianapolis, hundreds of miles and thousands of hours from those dark days, Kandi embraced those horrible memories like a strange friend.