chapter 17

The locker room at Summit High rocked. The team really didn't know how best to celebrate their incredible victory and playoff birth. It wasn't often that High School guys wept tears of joy, but it seemed to be the only emotion they were capable of expressing at the moment. Lunsford tossed Clipper the ball. The same ball that he tossed into the basket with no time left. "This one's on me, Clipper. Here's to our best clutch free-throw shooter."
Justin looked around for Troy, he wondered if he stayed for the game. He wanted to say that he was still a part of the team in his mind, but he had already disappeared. Even though the win was monumental to the team, the victory would fade into the glory days of the past as each moment swept by. But AIDS was and still is not that way. It follows its victim like a shadow. Always breathing down the victims back, hiding behind each corner, a slow dull growl that can turn into a roar within a matter of days, even hours. Troy would find that AIDS would be an unwelcome companion for the rest of his life. He would have to learn of T-cell counts, regular doctor visits and hospital stays, the loss of muscle mass and stamina. This seemingly healthy athlete will surely not die an old man. He will leave the world emaciated and gasping for his last brutal breath. Chances were, his parents would outlive him. These two wealthy successful parents would only be allowed to speculate what life might have been for their beloved son.
Justin pondered what it would be like to be Troy, now. He'd often envied him, his popularity, the ease at which he played the game, the way the girls noticed him. He envied Troy in many ways before the announcement was made in the locker room. And now he had to wonder whether it was cruel fate or the fruit of his lifestyle that left Troy hopeless and helpless.

It was 9:45 when Justin walked out onto the gym floor with duffel bag in hand. The game had been over for thirty-three minutes. The gym rested in stark contrast to the uproarious scene that played out just minutes ago. Only the sounds of brooms and trash collection as the custodian and some students began the tedious process of clean-up. On the far end of the gym two students were preparing to push the stands against the wall, which would transform the rustic basketball arena back into an exercise facility.
Kandi sat against the wall waiting for Justin. Justin walked quickly over to her with a smile on his face, "We did it."
As he came closer he noticed that her smile was forced and her eyes were moist and red. "Kandi? What's the matter?"
"I just heard about Troy. Is it true? He has AIDS?"
"It's true. He told everybody on the team before the game." Justin sat down next to her, with both of their backs against the wall of the gym. They both stared straight ahead not talking, both were emotionally spent. After a long pause Kandi's head dropped and rested on her kneecaps as she sat on the floor. Justin heard her faintly sob. He disengaged his eyes from the blank forward stare and saw her back trembling. He felt tears well up in his eyes. They were all alone now in the gym but emotions seemed to fill every inch of the building. Justin awkwardly wrapped his arms around her as she remained in a upright fetal position for a long while. He innately rocked her ever so slightly as she wept. Kandi felt the warmth and comfort of a man that she hadn't felt in years. She felt no lust or selfishness in his touch. He stroked her hair and quieted her spirit. At first he tried to analyze why she was crying. She never told him what happen the other day when he picked her up a mile from Troy's house in the rain. He worried momentarily, but then dismissed the inquisitive thoughts. He cared for her deeply no matter what had happened that day or any other day. At this moment he was called to be the personification of the love of God, who accepts his children no matter what hell the child has endured, no matter what mistake had been made. He heard God's voice speak through him. "I know it hurts. Shhh. It's OK. I'm sorry Kandi.
"Why does this hurt so bad?" Kandi said as she unwrapped her arms from around her knees and wiped her eyes. "I guess I feel guilty because I hated him so much. He tried to force me to have sex with him that afternoon. We didn't. So why am I so scared? Why do I feel so guilty?" After five minutes they stood up and began walking to Justin's car. Justin fought every desire to hold her hand or embrace her, knowing that she needed a friend who loved her for who she was. She needed someone at that moment who would look after her and not his own desire for sexual intimacy of any kind.
Kandi continued, "Ever since the Bible study at your house I've been wanting to have the kind of joy that you have, but I don't really think that it's possible. My life is so messed up." She struggled to speak as she fought back the high tides of emotion that swept through her soul. "I've tried so hard to find some peace. I wish I could just hand over my life to God and let him fix it. But there is so much hate and anger... I can't give Him that. I can't be good enough. I just can't."
Justin had heard about seeking opportunities to share your faith but this was a spiritual ambush of opportunity! He inventoried his spiritual training, Bible scriptures that he might know by memory. How he wished he knew more, but he was just a new believer. Lord I don't know what to say. I need help here! He thought to himself. He felt God saying, Justin, stay cool. Be honest and tell her what happened to you a few months ago. I'm big enough to carry you on this one if you'll just do what I say and be obedient. This wasn't a game or a date. This was life or death for Kandi. She needed to know and Justin knew he needed to tell her. So he told her his story. He told her about his search for satisfaction through wild parties and social status. He told her about his own feelings of loneliness when his Mom left the family and his Dad remarried. "I kept waiting on my 15th birthday for my Mom to call and just say ?Hi, Happy Birthday. But it never happened."
Justin recounted how he tried to find some since of meaning in life through achievement and even relationships, but almost every night he would lie in bed and wonder if this was all there was to it. "There had to be more than this. I wanted to find something, someone who wouldn't run out on me. And I guess that's how I ended up believing in Christ. I had a lot of shame in my life. About what, I don't know. I just felt really alone and shameful. And that's why I had to believe in Christ." He half-way laughed. "It's like I didn't have a choice! I was a believer. And when I gave up, surrendered to his plan it was like all the guilt and shame of my life just ... well disappeared. I couldn't believe it."
They talked for a few more minutes and then walked out of the gym and into the parking lot. Across the parking lot, they heard a moan.
"I'd better check this out," Justin said.
"Not without me," Kandi said
They had both had enough excitement to last a few years but they were compelled to investigate. The sound seemed to be coming from under the bleachers of the old Summit High Football field. The moon provided just enough light for them to see a body face down in the dirt. They knew it was Troy.
"Troy?" Justin said softly.
Troy didn't react at first. Then he screamed words that were muffled by the ground. "God! God! God! This is your God, Justin. Your God did this to me."
Justin didn't know what to say.
Troy continued after a long, tense moment, "Why did he let this happen to me. You always said to me... everybody said to me... that God is love. Why would this loving God do this to me?"
"I don't think He did it, Troy."
Troy got up on his knees and then stood up. He looked at Kandi and Justin with malice. "I guess you're glad you didn't get involved. Right Kandi? You're thankful, aren't you?"
Kandi looked away. This was not the same confident athlete that flirted with her just days ago.
"I'm sorry that this happened to you," Kandi whispered.
"What are you doing. You should be celebrating. You hate me. Why don't you say it? You're saying that so you can feel better about yourself. You can say that you had pity on me. Well I don't need your pity, Kandi."
Justin finally spoke. "That's about enough.."
"Nope, Justin, it's not," Troy said with a fake smile on his face. "You still haven't answered my question? If your God loves me, like you say he does, why is he going to kill me."
Kandi jumped loudly, "Stop blaming God! Stop it!" She even surprised herself. She had asked similar questions in the past and now she was impulsively defending this God whom she had doubted most of her life. "God didn't take my Dad's job away. God didn't force him to drink. There's a whole lot of things that happen in this world because He gave us choices. It was your choice to sleep around, Troy. Not God's."
Justin stood there stunned.
Troy began to weep again as Justin took a step toward him. Before Justin hand reached his shoulder, Troy ran away.

A few miles away the basketball kept on bouncing at Clipper's house. "OK Clipper. I've put it off just about as long as I can. You've got school in the morning and I would imagine that you'll need your strength to subdue all the girls who'll want to ask you out after that final play that you pulled a while ago."
"Yeah... Right Dad."
"You did it. Didn't you?"
"I don't think so, Dad. It's like I wasn't even there. I mean I felt it and I freaked when that ball bounced off the goal and all. All I could think of doing is putting the ball back in there. Could you believe what happened," Clipper continued the rate of his speaking became swift and energized. "I was so tired and nervous and I couldn't catch my breath. and it was like I just---"
"You mounted up with wings of eagles."
"Yeah. That's what it felt like. Wings of eagles. That's a quote from somebody. Right? Abraham Lincoln?"
"Nope. Isaiah. Hey Clipper, did I ever tell you how proud I am."
Clipper stopped dribbling and looked directly at his Dad.
"And that really doesn't have to do anything with your game tonight. Nothing whatsoever. I knew you'd be out here win or lose and I planned to come out here and tell you that I'm proud of you. So there. I said it. Now let's get inside before you're grounded."
"Dad, can you give me just five minutes. I'd like to sit out here for a while."
"Five minutes."
Clipper sat down on the swing which was attached to a huge oak tree in the back yard. He watched the night clouds scuttle across the pale blue moon. He sat motionless, still hearing the frantic and then uproarious noise of the crowd which echoed so vividly in the recesses of his mind. In his minds eye he remembered Justin slapping him on the back, almost in slow-motion. The words he said had followed him throughout the year, and he hoped they would follow him through out his life. "All things, man. All things."
"Lord. I know that I haven't been all that you've wanted me to be. And I know I've been blessed. Truly blessed. I guess I'm just beginning to understand what that word blessed means. But I know it now. It's getting something from You that we really can't get anywhere else. You didn't have to go out of Your way to prove to me about ?all things' but you did it tonight. Did you ever!" He set the ball down at the base of the goal and headed in for the remainder of the night, thinking to himself,
All things.