chapter 06

It had been two days since Kandi and her mom had the blow-up over her late arrival. They avoided conversation at home, barely looking at each other more out of shame than anger. They desperately needed to talk, support and forgive but they had so much hurt over the past few years. They saw a successful, confident man evolve into an angry predator. They loved him and yet they could do nothing to stop the pain that dominated his life. After he lost the job, he became like a caged lion pacing back and forth, humiliated by the captivity of his bleak future. The drinking, the shouting, the mental and emotional abuse seemed to flow out of a bottomless pit.
It wasn't just the lost of employment. Things had been brewing under the surface for years. Kandi remembered being awakened in the middle of the night by angry words and threats when she was just three or four. She would always find herself caught in the middle of a fight, praying that things would change. And they would change from time to time. There were wonderful memories when they were at peace. The house would be filled with laughter and harmony, but even in the good times Kandi always seemed to know that behind the shadows lurked the monsters of rage and loneliness.
It was Friday evening when Kandi finally cut the small talk. "Mom, I'm sorry. I should have called you the other night."
Her Mom smiled. "You didn't want to call because you were afraid that I'd say ?no'"
"Maybe so. I just wanted to fit in and-"
"You were with a guy weren't you?"
Kandi wondered whether she should tell her the truth or continue the charade about being with a group. She decided to take this risk of being scorned. She wanted so desperately to talk to her about Troy.
"If you promise you won't kill me."
Her mom smiled and nodded.
"His name is Troy." Kandi's eyes widened slightly. "He's on the basketball team. You'd really like him."
"So this was a date." Mrs. Roper looked concerned.
"Mom, we didn't do anything. We just went out to eat. It was wonderful. Can you believe it? The first day of school and I meet a guy."
"So that's the guy who's been calling every hour."
Kandi rolled her eyes.
Her Mom conceded, "OK. Not every hour." She paused for a moment, "Every other hour."
Kandi looked away, "Mom, I'm sorry about Monday night."
"It's OK. Just don't do that to me again or your dead meat," Mom said, smiling.
"I wonder how Dad is."
"I do, too," Sylvia said, stroking her daughter's short black hair.
"It's so peaceful, you know? Being away from him... But you know what's strange?"
Sylvia shook her head.
"After all that he's put us through- the drinking, the anger, the abuse. I just feel empty...like I'm not all here." Tears welled up in Kandi's eyes as she looked away from her mom. "It scares me to death. I know you did what you had to do and I sure wouldn't want to live with him, but after all was said and done- after you got the transfer, the divorce and the whole nightmare was over, I'm scared because I still love him."
Kandi and Sylvia embraced as Kandi's fragile shoulders trembled with soft uncontrollable sobs.
"Believe it or not Kandi, I love him too. You've got his eyes, girl. And every time I look at you I see a piece of him."
As the embrace broke Kandi wiped her eyes. "Mom do you ever wonder what it's all about?"
"What do you mean?"
"Our life. It just seems like it's a big joke that some god has played on us. It's one problem after another."
"You sound like such a pessimist."
"I guess I am, Mom. Pessimist, realist or something...I just have a hard time believing that there's any rhyme or reason. It just seems like we're all alone on this planet. It's sink or swim," Kandi said.
"Eat or be eaten?"
"Gosh I hope not." They both laughed.

In a deserted stretch of land just outside of town, Troy, Lester and Tad were camping. "Don't drop it! I worked five hours today to buy it." Tad said as Lester rolled the joint.
"Cool your jets, man. It's a masterpiece."
Lester lit it and took a deep drag
"That's some consolation prize for missing out on the varsity," Troy commented while laying on the ground looking at the stars.
"Who gives a rip, anyway," Lester said as he coughed and exhaled.
"I do," said Troy, "We got Bullwinkle. I'm telling you if he gets on the court he'll embarrass us all. He'll trip over the baseline paint, or hit his head on the bench. He's a walkin' accident. The only thing he can do is rebound."
"See if I care," Lester said as he stared into the fire. "How's the new conquest goin', Troy."
"Kandi? She'll take a little more time than most," Troy said sarcastically.
"I was really honored that you dropped the new project for a night, so that you could join us." Lester said.
"It's important to be on your best behavior for a little while. Until they're ga-ga. And then you go in for the kill. You've got to get their trust before you can betray it."
Tad laughed, "As Mom says, ?You've got to eat the spinach before you get dessert.'"
"You're mom's a smart chick."
Lester looked over at Troy, "So what's the spinach?"
"Flowers, long walks, lies about how interesting they are, cards, whatever it is that they want. You've got to soften them up. In the meantime, I've got to sow my wild oats somehow. That's where you come in. Kandi, probably thinks we're eating s'mores and singing ?Kum-by-ya.' Hey! Give me a hit on that thing. Where's the beer anyway? Weed dries me out."
This was Troy's strategy. He continued his charade as the all-state model citizen. He saw Kandi as a perfect target. She walked right into his web, totally unaware of the Troy's double life. To her, she saw him as a person who deeply cared for her. She shared a little more with him, each time they talked. He listened intently, which was something her father never seemed to be able to do between work and the personal demons that he constantly fought.
They went out Saturday night. Kandi introduced Troy to her Mom who was equally charmed by his smile.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Clipper asked Justin. They had just left the church Sunday afternoon and were headed to Clipper's house for dinner. Justin drove while Clipper gave him the third degree.
"You ask me that question like I'm the date cop! I can't go blow the whistle on everybody who has a bad reputation."
"You like her, don't you?"
"I don't even know the girl!" Justin exclaimed.
"That's not true. You've talked to her." Clipper replied.
"That's right. I think that I could legitimately say that I know her but every time I start a decent conversation someone else barges in."
"Are you still carrying a grudge about what happened the other day?"
"I was just kidding, Clipper. Look, I barely know her. I was genuinely uh-"
"Attracted?"
"Would you stop filling in the blanks every time I take a breath. OK. I'll say it myself. I was attracted to her."
"So back to square one: What are you gonna do?" Clipper asked.
"Nothing Clip, Nothing! What do you expect me to say. ?Hey Kandi, I'm Justin. The locker fixer. Remember me? I know we don't know each other that well but I feel obligated to tell you that Troy's bad news. Some people even go so far as to call him a creep. A love-taker. Heart breaker. Cake baker. Why don't you stop this thing before it gets out of hand and date... say... ME!'"