the hard work of existence

I will work on myself.

I realize that working on being a better man is hard work.
Good work
I'm through with trying to fix people and motivate masses.
I'm done with kudos and words of legitimacy
God draws and I am a broken vessel
Broken in places that I can't see
Broken in the darkness of my understanding
Relying on a God who heals
Heals my chronic need to look too far ahead for wrecks that haven't happened.
the need to seem whole (when i am not)
The need to set up a barricade of resources so that I feel independent and self-sufficient.
I stagger toward the feet of Jesus.
Stunned in the light of divine appearances and last minute rescued. 

I live the life of hand to heart allegiance for the great and only hope