The Early Church Help Desk

Set-up: Can you imagine the early church with all the resources we have today?

Actors:  Phone Consultant and 2 actors to play the role of all the other characters. Phone consultant at a desk with phone and hands-free head set. Other two actors on the other side of the acting area with a hat tree to change out a few Biblical headdress items. Biblical headdress but modern clothes.


Phone Consultant: Hello, you’ve reached the help center for church health, evangelism, Church Planting, and Leadership.  Can I help you?

Early Church Member: Yes. We’ve got a little bit of a problem. We’ve got a church planter here at our church that preaches way too long.

Phone Consultant: Really.  

Early Church Member: He doesn’t seem to be very seeker friendly.

Phone Consultant: So how does this manifest itself?

Early Church Member: Well, one of our members actually dozed off during one of his sermons and fell out of the window. Pretty Scary! Any advice?

Phone Consultant: Wow!  I don’t know.

Early Church Member: I mean he’s an incredible writer but...

Phone Consultant: Hey maybe he could work at LifeWay.

Early Church Member: I’ll check into that.

(Hangs Up)

Phone Consultant: Hello, you’ve reached the help center for church health, evangelism, Church Planting, and Leadership.  Can I help you?

Early Church Member 2: Hi! We have an evangelist that been preaching at some of the major events in our town. In fact, recently he spoke at a festival in the city and thousands trusted Christ. He was multilingual and everything. And he and his team had little tongues of fire on their heads.

Phone Consultant: Incredible!

Early Church Member 2: But he doesn’t have any training!

Phone Consultant: I’d contact someone in Evangelism at the state office or NAMB maybe they can work something out for you.

(Phone Consultant changes lines)

Phone Consultant: Hello, you’ve reached the help center for church health, evangelism, Church Planting, and Leadership.  Can I help you?

John Mark: Hi this is John Mark- I traveled with Paul of Tarsus.

Phone Consultant:  Oh yeah, the long-winded preacher.

John Mark: Right. I’ve traveled with him and a few months ago I just got burned out and so I quit in Pamphilia. Tough town... But now I’m ready to go somewhere and do something. Where do I start?

Phone Consultant: You might want to go to your state office and see if there are any leadership development coaches who can help you. In fact, there’s a guy named Barnabas who just joined the state staff after being on the road with Paul. I’ll email you his number. He might want to partner with you.

Phone Consultant: Hello, you’ve reached the help center for church health, evangelism, Church Planting, and Leadership.

Laodician Pastor: Hi, I’m the pastor of Laodecia Baptist. Our church got a word that we were neither hot nor cold.

Phone Consultant: Really. So are you?

Laodician Pastor: Maybe- maybe not.

Phone Consultant: Do you have powerful worship.

Laodician Pastor: Kind of.

Phone Consultant: When do you meet?

Laodician Pastor:  either 10:30 or 10:45.  Can’t really remember though. We just sort of play it by ear.

Phone Consultant: Would you want to meet with a Church Health Consultant.

Laodician Pastor: Yes. I mean no. I mean, well- let me ask a committee or two. I’m kind of “ify” on it.

Phone Consultant: Just call back when you get some clarity.

(Switches lines)

Phone Consultant: Hello, you’ve reached the help center for church health, evangelism, Church Planting, and Leadership.

Paul:  Hi this is Paul of Tarsus.

Phone Consultant: Ahh... Paul, I was just talking to someone about you.

Paul:   Really?

Phone Consultant: Do you want to talk to a legal consultant?

Paul: So you heard about Eutycus?

Phone Consultant: Just a tad.

Paul: He’s fine. I prayed and God raised him from the dead.

Phone Consultant: Excellent.

Paul: What I was calling about was this.  I’m planning a mission trip to Athens. Could you help me plan?

Phone Consultant: Actually you might want to check with NAMB.

Paul: NAMB?

Phone Consultant: The New Athens Mission Board.

Paul: Wow! I didn’t know there was an organization like that out there.

Phone Consultant: Just your Cooperative Program dollars at work.

Paul: Thanks.

Phone Consultant: Hello, you’ve reached the help center for church health, evangelism, Church Planting, and Leadership.


Phillip:  Hi, my name is Phillip.  I’m calling on my cell, I’m on the road to Gaza and I’ve spotted this guy in a chariot reading and driving. and I’m about to se if he needs any help interpreting scripture. Could you patch me in with someone who can help me strike up a conversation with this guy.  

Phone Consultant:  Let’s see here.  I’ll transfer you to the state office. I think there’s a guy who specialies in evangelism.

Phillip:  Great.  I’m a little nervous.  This guy looks pretty important.

Phone Consultant: There’s a great resource from LifeWay called “Share Jesus without Fear.” Maybe a LifeWay Church Consultant can walk you through it.

(disconnects)

Phone Consultant:  Boy I need a break. Some days I wish I was with Pastor John at the Patmos Location.