Super Bowl Sketch

Don't know if I ever posted this- but I wrote it a few years back and thought I'd share it. Just a fun litle sketch for halftime at the Superbowl party...

Here’s a fun sketch that would be perfect for Super Bowl halftime parties. It also teaches the importance of the armor of God. If you can find someone who could do a decent John Madden, you’re in business.

The Supernatural Bowl!

Characters: Pat, Al, John, Lisa, Dennis

Pat: It’s Super Bowl weekend, and an entire nation is glued to the TV, watching pregame show after pregame show while eating various snack foods and washing it down with a multitude of soft drinks.

Al: This year will prove to be another game with little eternal significance. One team will win, and the other will lose. Each team will certainly be the feature question on at least one trivia game card.

Pat: But the thing that surprises us the most is that the critical showdown between the Deadly Demons and the Saints will occur without any televised coverage.

John: And if they aren’t televised then, BOOM, they aren’t on TV.

Al: Right you are, John.

Pat: Take Jay Stedhiemer. Stedhiemer’s a 20-year veteran for the body of Christ, and yet he’s spent the past five months on the injured reserve for a grieved spirit and a lustful mind.

John: Ouch. The Deadly Demons took advantage of his weaknesses, BOOM!

Pat: And since that time he’s been on the bench, afraid that he would cause his team more damage if he stepped on the playing field. No tough actin’ foot spray can help him if he doesn’t wear the right gear.

Al: Let’s go down onto the field for an update on his condition. Lisa, what do you have for us?

Lisa: Pat, the word is that Stedhiemer will return after an early morning pep talk from the Holy Spirit and a review of the playbook, The Word of God. He’s good to go. He feels confident, and he’s ready to put on the pads and get in the game.

Al: Thanks, Lisa.

Pat: John, what do you think the key is for Stedhiemer to be 100%?

John: He’s got to put on the uniform and pads. That’s job one. If you look at the highlight of his showdown with the Demons in the last game, he got a little too self-confident and the enemy exploited it. He went out there without any protection and BOOM, he was hit around the cankles.

Al: For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term cankles—that’s what John calls the area between the ankle and the calf.

John: Absolutely. Back to Stedhiemer. Here’s a guy that when he doesn’t wear the armor, he’s likely to get hurt.

Pat: Dennis, any thoughts?

Dennis: Yes whether you’re a pre-millennialist, post-mellennialist or just a plain old Bible Believing Baptist you’ve got to have the right accoutrements.

John: What’d he say, Pat?

Pat: I can’t say that I understand it.

John: All I have to say is if Stedhiemer injures himself, he’s not going to play as well as he would if he doesn’t. It’ll be like: BOOM! BAM!! He’s down!

Pat: Let’s take a moment to review a few historical Supernatural Bowl highlights and scores. Samson got cut from the saints. It was a hairy situation, but in the final seconds he scored big and brought the house down. And who can forget David slinging for the Saints in the Old Testament? Goliath, the perennial favorite, was down. It really threw him for a loop!

John: Lost his head in the remaining moments of that game, as I recall.

Pat: And then Moses lined his team across the sea and God parted the sea. The sea formation closed quickly, and the Egyptians were tackled under the wave.

John: There was water on one side, water on the other side, and then BOOM, the water smothered them.

Pat: And remember Noah and his team? What a bunch of animals. And the weather!

John: One thing's for sure: it was sunny, and then BAM, the rain came down for 40 days. My telestrater was waterlogged all season after that one.

Pat: And then there was Lazarus. We thought he was out for good, and then it was like he was back from the dead.

John: What are you talking about? He was back from the dead.

Pat: Oh yeah. Right.

Al: Let’s go back to Lisa who is down on the field with an update.

Lisa: Thanks, Pat. The throngs of saints in the heavenly grandstand are going wild. Jay has returned to the field with his uniform and pads. He’s got the Cleats of Peace.

John: A saint without cleats would be a problem because without them, you don’t have anything on your feet.

Pat: Thanks for that incredible insight, John.

John: Could cause a cankle injury.

Lisa: He’s also wearing the Expanded Shoulder Pads of Righteousness that cover his entire chest area. He’s also wearing the Helmet of Salvation.

John: You want to keep that helmet on because a helmet can’t cause a fumble.

Dennis: So, so true, John-a-roo.

Lisa: He’s also carrying the Shield of Faith and the Sword of the Spirit.

Al: Is that legal?

John: Absolutely. Especially when the enemy is hurling those fiery darts.

Al: To me, it sounds like a personal foul—roughing the Christian.

Lisa: Above all, this warrior is praying.

Dennis: Being a Christian without praying is a riddle wrapped in an enigma, surrounded by a dangling modifier.

John: If I knew what he was talkin’ about there, BOOM, I’d understand!

Pat: Well, that’s the pregame show. Stay tuned for live action. This telecast is brought to you by the Word of God. Any rebroadcast or other use of this message without the expressed written consent of the 21st Century culture is highly encouraged.

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