New Sketch in "The Terminal" series

Marcus
Archetypal Sketch for John Mark
The Terminal Series

Bud:   Hello, Marcus?  Marcus McClendon?

Marcus:  Yes?

Bud:   Don't panic.  No big deal. I just need you to step over to this table.

Marcus:  What's the problem?

Bud:   Just need to ask you a few questions.

Marcus:  My plane leaves in thirty minutes.

Bud:   Don't worry we'll get you on board if everything checks out.

Marcus:  Checks out?

Bud:   Just a security check.

Marcus:  Do I look like a security threat?

Bud:   No, but I still need to ask you a few questions.  Can I have your laptop?

(Another security agent checks out his laptop)

Marcus:  Sure.

Bud:   I understand that you're traveling to Israel?

Marcus: I've got a job offer over there. And I accepted it.

Bud:  Congratulations.

Marcus: Conditionally.

Bud:  Oh.

Marcus:  I told them I'd stay through June and then we'll see where it
goes from there.

Bud:   And you just booked your flight three days ago?

Marcus:  I had trouble deciding if I really wanted to go.

Bud:   Let's see here. (Looking at his clip-board which has an intel.
briefing) Let me make sure the facts are correct here.

Marcus:  About what?

Bud:   Who you are. Where you're going.  That sort of stuff.

Marcus:  You know all that? How?

Bud:   This is really not a big deal.  We just have to be overly
cautious.  You know that. I see that you almost graduated from
Vanderbilt with a 4.0 average but you dropped out to join the Air
Force

Marcus: I'm not your typical Vandy grad plus I don't think a diploma
means that much. You shouldn't have to rely on credentials.

Bud:   Then you were a computer programmer for the military
specializing in computer counterintelligence but you were discharged
because you were unproductive.

Marcus: I was in love.  Who's productive when they're in love?

Bud:   Then you traveled to Russia and worked as an Internet security
consultant.

Marcus: Look I'm no Lee Harvey Oswald.  I just had to get out of the
country. The wedding was going to happen in a couple of days and I
just didn't know if I was the marrying type. It wasn't like I took the
first bus to Las Vegas.

Bud:   And so you came back because you missed her. Right?

Marcus: Exactly.  How'd you know that?

Bud:   Just putting two and two together.

Marcus: I'm impressed.  Score one for the Patriot Act.

Bud:   So how'd it go?

Marcus: She's wonderful. She's beautiful. She loves me. She's patient.
She's perfect…

Bud:   Except for…

Marcus: She wants a commitment.

Bud:   She wants a ring.

Marcus: Oh, she's got a ring.

Bud:   That's a pretty strong commitment.

Marcus:  I was and I still AM committed. But the pressure!  It's
enough to make your head explode.  They wanted at least three months
to prepare for the ceremony. And her parents! Yesh! Every time I
postponed the wedding for a few weeks they'd look at me like I was
wishy-washy.

Bud:   Really?  (Smiles shaking his head.)

Marcus:  What's so funny.

Bud:   That a man so smart could be so stupid.

Marcus:  That was rather blunt.

Bud:   I apologize for that. It's just the weirdest life story I've
heard in all my years here.

Marcus:   Look, I'm no Don Juan. I'm not gallivanting around the world
having secret love connections. It's just that people expect me to
jump when they yell frog.

Bud:   No wonder you didn't make it in the Air Force.

Marcus: Why is everyone pressuring me?  I don't even know you and I
feel like you're pressuring me.

Bud:   Sorry Marcus.  I'm just trying to secure the safety of travelers.

Marcus: Everyone in world seems to want me to stay in one place. Even God.

Bud:   Hey that's between you and God.  I don't wanna get in the
middle of that.

Marcus: I joined a church the other day and they had this new member
class and they wanted me to decide on what ministry I'd be involved
in. What in the world is THAT all about? You'd think they didn't have
a paid staff.

Bud:   Actually they…

Marcus: I just joined the church to feel good about myself and they
want a commitment.

Bud:   Is that what you think church is--

Marcus: They keep sending me these envelopes in the mail implying that
they want a financial commitment.

Bud:   I think I can clear you now… I can safely say that you aren't a
threat to anyone.  Even the devil.