warning: gratuitous mysticism

I was about to leave the computer tonight and i thought Deuteronomy 4:12- Don't know why... just a thought. Here's what i found:

GOD spoke to you out of the fire. You heard the sound of words but you saw nothing--no form, only a voice.

(i hate the way this sounds because it seems rather pompous and TBNish. But how this verse spoke to me tonight!)

i am constantly looking for God's hand. Some physical, tactile experience where God holds out a big arrow like a construction worker on the interstate of my pilgrimage. Stop! Go! Do this! Stop Doing This! Big signs. Kind of like the scene in "Bruce Almighty" where he's begging for a sign when the truck in front of him has all these discarded signs hanging off saying "No!" "Don't" "Turn back"

But thus said the Lord- Matt, You've been through the fire. You'll smell like a chimney in the future. But there is where My Voice is clear. But don't expect me to color inside the lines. Don't expect me to hold your hand in the dark. You've got to figure some of this stuff out yourself. You'll have to go through St. John of the Cross' "Dark night of the soul"

Me: But Lord, I've already been there.

HE: This isn't a course where you get three hours credit and move on. You'll be back again.

Me: What if I do better when I'm in the fire next time?

HE: You are so focused on the destination. Get off the destination and realize that you are being formed through a process. Destination theology is highly overrated. Look for the trial and greet it like a Samurai warrior. Dance with it like baryshnikov. You are still a cubscout without a badge. Trust my voice in the fire.