Real American Christians

To the tune of Budwiesers "Real America Heroes"
Lines in parenthesis sung by back up singer.

Real American Christians

Here's to you Mr. Front-of-the-Church-Greeter. You make church seem like a discount store with your “Hello My Name is Button."

You won't go out to visit them

But you shake their hands if they are abducted and brought to the church.

(Abducted by alien immersion)

You hand out bulletins and commiserate over college football losing steaks.

(Don't you know we need a quarterback.)

You with your cell phone can alert the deacons of any emergencies

Such as homeless guys and offended senior adults

(They're hacked about the powerpoint usage)

So we say Hey Mr. Greeter, keep makin’ them smile and gesturing vaguely to the auditorium.

(Real American Christians)