toddlers' 10 point check for supper

The following are the actual tests all toddlers perform during the evening meal.

1.Gravity check- What happens to the shape and chemical properties of foods that dump over the side of a high chair?
2. Size check- Sure it can fit in my mouth, but what about up my nose, in my ears or diaper.
3. Metamorphisis check- What actually happens when I take food two or more food items and squeeze them together with my hand.
4. The Advanced metamorphisis check- What will the mixture produced in check #3 feel like in my hair.
5. Sippy cup check- If sippy cup is turned upside down and shaken will it allow liquid to exit cup.
6. Check for utensel extravegance- Utensils are evil. Food should be touched not eaten. Drop all forks, spoons and straws overboard.
7. Parental Attentiveness Check- To assess the attentiveness and keen reflexes of your parent, quietly slip bowl or plate off the table.
8. High Chair Beta testing- Until rebuked
a) stand up in chair
b) detatch tray
c) place food items in cushion
d) slide out of high chair
9. Lubrication check- apply tray with food smushage. (See Metamorphisis Check)
10. Bowl Sizing. Could your bowl fit as a hat if needed? Check to make sure. (See Advanced Metamophisis check)